If you have been married for any length of time (a year… an hour….), you are already very familiar with the big question: so when are you going to start having kids? (As if kids are a requirement for a fulfilled marriage or a rite of passage for an amazing life). I don’t mind this question but I know for many, this question is prying and sometimes insensitive.
Now that Addison is getting to be the big O-N-E, I have been getting lots of unsolicited advice and questions.
So when is number two on its way?
You know, the best time to have the second is when the first turns two. You need to keep them evenly spaced.
Are you guys trying yet? If you start now, it’ll be perfect timing!
How many kids do you want? If you want a lot, then you need to get going!
You want how many kids? One girl and one boy is the perfect balance, though!
Recently, I have been having that yearn/itch for another child. Like my house is still too quiet and my car hasn’t reached its capacity. I love Addison with my whole heart and am more than blessed to have her in my life, but I just don’t feel like my family is complete. Like there are people missing.
God has been pulling up the topic of adoption a lot recently in my life and it’s enough to make me realize that I need to pay a little attention. I’ve always been open to the idea of adoption and fostering but it’s always been a far off idea. Like that thing that you think is nice and would like to one day do. Similar to a trip to Hawaii, it doesn’t seem real until you’re packing the suitcase and purchasing the tickets. Chris and I have come to the conclusion that in terms of our family, adoption is our next step. It’s where God’s heart is and it’s where He wants ours to be heart as well.
Adoption also brings up a lot of tough questions on what type of children are you willing to parent. What matters to you?
Male or female?
Gay or straight?
Deaf or blind or nonverbal?
What about siblings?
Would you take two?
What about four?
Babies or toddlers or school age or teens?
Would you parent a child who is the result of rape or incest?
And if you think that’s a lot of questions, that’s only the surface. Who are you willing to welcome in your home and care for as your own?
When Chris and I first got married and we talked about building a family, I said five or six or more. Chris said two. So we compromised on three. It wasn’t until Chris and I started talking about adoption that I became ok with the number three. Chris and I agreed that if we were placed with a sibling set of two, that would be the end and our family complete. That would mean I would not get pregnant again. And strangely, I am ok with that.
But today, I was just mentioning how large sibling sets are hard to place because no one wants to take in a bunch of kids all at once. And you know what my husband says to me? He says, “If we didn’t have Addison, I would take a set of five.”
As those words entered my ears, I felt my mouth drop open. Did I hear right? Did Chris say he was open to having five children? Did the man who I’ve known for nine years, swearing up and down that he would never have more than three children, did he really just say he’d be open to a larger family?
I realized then that all God needs is a willing heart. He can truly move in a family that is willing to accept whatever His plan is. Five children or one. Adopted or biological. You don’t need to have it all together or have a detailed five-year plan. You just need a heart that will go with the flow. The next might biological or adopted, who knows? But we’re open and we’re ready.
P.S. I have a feeling this is going to spark a lot of questions in regards to a timeline. We’re not looking for another addition any time soon. So please don’t jump and think we’re having a baby within the next few months.